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It will happen.’ ‘Thanks Al,’ Sharon said and raising her glass to Miller drained it in one gulp. ‘Oh lovely. Keep the change Al. Bye Bozo and thanks for soliciting me in this bar.’ ‘Bozo,’ roared Al. ‘Out of this bar.’ ‘Al, come on, be reasonable. Look how she tied you up in knots with her words. The bitch is a shit-stirrer.’ ‘Oh, one of those. Have another drink Bozo, er Miller.’ Over dinner that evening Miller said, ‘Mom, I think I’ve found her.’ ‘Found who?’ ‘Miss Right’ Miller’s mother Milly, younger sister Kate, older brother Thomas and father Stanley looked at him expectantly. ‘She’s the Horsely’s youngest daughter Sharon.’ ‘What, that dried up young bitch?’ Bedlam erupted as Miller gave Thomas a big nose bleed, blood flying everywhere. When the meal resumed, Thomas sat holding an icepack over his nose, and Kate said, ‘Sharon Horsely is on the honors board at college. She won the Sarah Lincoln Memorial Literary Prize and top gymnast prize each year she was at college and in. The kind of nice guy who liked to play at being naughty—at least that’s what I thought. We were working with a middle-aged woman on a charity project who was humorless and annoyingly prim. As the prude left the meeting he shocked me by saying, “That woman needs a good, hard orgasm, but I doubt she’s capable.” I couldn’t suppress a giddy laugh and was titillated by his inappropriateness. Trying to be glib I said, “Are you offering?” HIM:“God no,” I chucked. “I would be at risk for frost-bite. I’ll take a lifetime of self-abuse if she was the last woman on earth.” Her breath seemed to catch in her throat, unsure if she dared to respond. With a puckish grin, she asked, “Do you do that often?” I paused and debated how much to reveal. My marriage was satisfying, the warm love that comes from years of shared laughter, children, and soon, grandchildren. Warm, but not hot. For a few years, I had become devoted to exploring every avenue of self-pleasure I could.
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